Five Ways to Re-Ignite the Spark in Your Relationship

Pandemic stress has had varying effects on couples. Some report a romantic renaissance during this time-out from the ordinary, and others have found being locked down together unbearable.

The truth is, even without the pandemic, relationships have both ups and downs. If you find yourself in a slump, here are a few ideas about how you might reenergize your relationship.

1. Make time together a priority. Remember when you started dating and you made the time to date and laugh together? Life tends to get in the way. Routine takes over and we start taking one another from granted. Kids, bills, jobs, parents- heck, you name it, most tasks become more important that taking the time for romance in your relationship. Make your relationship a priority by carving out the time to be together, creating special moments, and enjoying one another again!
2. Get to know your partner all over again. As individuals, we evolve, learn new things, and find new interests. Ask your partner 20 questions. Do you know their favorite food? How about their favorite YouTube Channel? New song? Movie? It will be fun to get to know one another again. And, you’ll be amazed at how many facts you didn’t know about your partner.
3. Make time for intimacy. Intimacy looks different for every couple. For some, it means having sex. For others, its coffee time on the porch together. The key is feeling connected and not the method you use to feel connected. I have a friend who marks the calendar twice a month to remind herself of designated sex nights when she is going to initiate sex with her partner. At first, this might sound unromantic. She tells me that she needs a reminder because she is experiencing menopause and has no desire. However, she thoroughly enjoys having sex and the connection it provides.
4. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Take a time out from the resentments, past arguments, and remember the times when you fell in love. What about your partner’s personality, charisma, and charm attracted you in the first place? What made you smile, laugh, and want to be together? Look past the small stuff and practice gratitude. Your partner loves you and has come into your life to create a wonderful future together. Now, get to work to make your dreams come true!
5. Be willing to compromise and do things differently. Let’s admit it- we sometimes get a bit stubborn, entrench ourselves in a position, and get butt hurt about some things that aren’t the most important in the big picture of life. Your partner has their way of doing things and you may have a different way of doing something similar. Somebody must give a little to get a little. Both partners must be willing to compromise and do things differently.

If you are both beyond the ability to manage some of suggestions mentioned above, search for ways to remedy the problems rather than giving up. Open communication, honestly, self-help videos and books, relationship coaching, and/or couples counseling are all options.

Your romantic relationship is similar to your physical and financial health, it needs to be monitored and prioritized for it to stay healthy. Keep the magic in your relationship by making each other a priority, getting to know one another again, making time for intimacy, remembering why you feel in love in the first place, and compromising with one another.

 ~Dr. Toni Bear