Touch Starved: Three Touches Every Woman Needs

Let me ask you a question that might sting a little:
When was the last time you were truly touched… without expectation?

I’m not talking about sex.
I’m not even talking about romance.
I’m talking about that soul-soothing, nervous-system-calming kind of touch that says: “You’re safe here. You matter.”

Most women can’t remember.
And it’s hurting us more than we realize.

We’re Not Just Burned Out—We’re Touch Starved

We live in a world where productivity is praised and softness is overlooked.
We scroll. We schedule. We hustle.
And somewhere along the way, we forgot how essential it is to feel held.

But science hasn’t forgotten.

Research shows that physical touch triggers the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone” that fosters connection, reduces fear, and enhances trust (Uvnäs-Moberg et al., 2015).
It lowers cortisol, our body’s main stress hormone (Field, 2010).
It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us regulate anxiety and stay emotionally resilient.

So when touch disappears, our sense of safety disappears too.
And yet, many women have learned to live without it.

What Happens When We Don't Get Enough Touch

I see it every day in the women I coach:
💔 They feel disconnected from their bodies.
😔 They’re irritable or emotionally flat.
📉 They’re experiencing low desire, burnout, and a nagging sense of loneliness—even if they're in relationships.

This isn’t because they’re broken.
It’s because they’re living in a touch-deprived culture.
And we’ve somehow mistaken touch for weakness or indulgence, when it’s actually the opposite: it’s how we refuel our power.

The 3 Kinds of Touch We All Deserve

Let’s break it down. These are the three types of touch every woman needs in her life—no matter her relationship status:

1. Platonic Touch

Hugs from a friend.
An arm linked through yours on a walk.
A hand on your back when you're crying.
This is the kind of touch that says, “You don’t have to carry this alone.”

Platonic touch offers co-regulation—when our nervous systems sync up through safe contact (Porges, 2011).
It’s not about romance. It’s about being witnessed, soothed, and human.

2. Romantic or Intimate Touch

This can be sensual, sexual, or simply affectionate.
It’s the playful cuddle on the couch. The lingering kiss. The hand on your thigh that says, “I see you.”

For those in relationships, intentional touch strengthens emotional bonds.
For those who are healing from trauma, navigating shame, or re-learning desire—it can be the slow doorway back to trust.

3. Self-Touch

Yes, this includes solo pleasure. But also:
🖐 A hand on your heart in the middle of a hard conversation.
🧘‍♀️ A slow body scan in the mirror.
🛁 A warm bath where you actually let yourself relax.

Self-touch is a reclamation. It’s you saying, “I’m worth my own care.”

Why This Matters Now

Post-pandemic, post-push-through-everything mode, many women are only just realizing how disconnected they’ve become.

We’ve been told to power through.
To be strong.
To “want less” or “need nothing.”

But you weren’t designed to thrive in isolation.
You were designed for connection—especially with yourself.

The good news?
You can begin again.

So, What Do You Do With This?

Start small:

• Ask for a longer hug.

• Place your hand on your chest when you’re overwhelmed.

• Snuggle your dog. Hold a friend’s hand.

• Say yes to being touched with care, and no to being touched with expectation.

And if you’re rebuilding trust with your body or your desires—know that there are women’s spaces (like the ones I hold) where touch is safe, consensual, and sacred.

Because touch isn’t just a pleasure—it’s a path home to yourself.

Sources:

• Field, T. (2010). Touch for socioemotional and physical well-being: A review. Developmental Review, 30(4), 367–383.

• Uvnäs-Moberg, K., Handlin, L., & Peterson, M. (2015). Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 1529.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.