What Happens When 10 Women Get Honest About Sex in Paradise

People always ask me what actually happens on my Costa Rica retreats.

I get it. When you see "luxury villa," "sexuality retreat," and "women only," your mind probably goes to one of two places: either a spa weekend with wine and girl talk, or something uncomfortably intimate that you're not sure you're ready for.

It's neither.

And it's both.

Let me pull back the curtain and show you what really happens when 10 women who've never met each other show up in paradise to get honest about sex, desire, shame, and what they actually want from their lives.

It Starts Before Costa Rica

Here's what most people don't know: the retreat actually begins three months before anyone steps on a plane.

We have three Zoom meetings—February, March, and April for my May retreat. This isn't just logistics (though yes, we cover passports and packing lists). These calls are where I establish our group identity and responsibility around privacy.

Because here's the thing: you can't get vulnerable with strangers if you don't feel safe. And safety doesn't just happen because we're in a beautiful place. It's created intentionally, with clear agreements, before anyone shares a single thing.

By the time we meet in Costa Rica, the women aren't total strangers anymore. They've seen each other's faces. They know each other's names. They've started to wonder: Maybe I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Day 1: The Wobble

When women first arrive at the villa, there's a particular energy. Excitement mixed with nervousness. They're taking in the luxury—the personal chef, the infinity pool overlooking the jungle—but there's also this question hanging in the air: What did I just sign up for?

One of my past retreat attendees described it perfectly: "What I didn't know is that you have to practice being your authentic self. When you first walk in your boots, it's sort of like walking in heels—sure you put 'em on, but it's a little wobbly."

That's Day 1. The wobble.

Women are polite. Careful. They're testing the waters. How much can I say? How weird am I allowed to be? Will they think I'm broken?

The Questions That Come Late at Night

The most intimate moments don't always happen in the structured sessions.

They happen by the pool at 10pm. In whispered conversations over breakfast. During the long drive to the jungle excursion.

A woman will pull me aside and ask the question she's been afraid to say out loud: "I want to reciprocate with oral sex, and my husband won't allow me. Is that normal?"

Or: "I've always enjoyed being partnered with a woman, but later in life, I just don't meet available women. Am I alone in this?"

These aren't casual questions. These are the things they've been carrying for years. Sometimes decades. And they've never had a safe place to ask them.

That's what happens when you create space away from the noise of regular life. Away from kids, partners, work emails, grocery lists. The real questions finally have room to surface.

When Someone Tells the Truth

During one retreat, a woman opened up about the physical and emotional abuse she'd suffered from her ex-husband.

She described how years had passed, but she still couldn't get past the hurt. She couldn't enjoy life, let alone imagine meeting someone new. The room went quiet. Not an uncomfortable silence—a holding silence.

Women had tears in their eyes. Tissues were passed out. Hands reached out to touch her arm, her shoulder. Heads nodded knowingly.

Nobody tried to fix her. Nobody jumped in with advice. They just... held space.

And that's when the real healing happens. Not when someone tells you what to do, but when someone witnesses your pain and says, "I see you. You're not alone. You're not too much."

One woman later said: "Being together with the group here has been just so wonderful. We just really came together as a unit and supported each other and told our stories and didn't have to worry about how our stories sounded. We just told them and it was all okay."

What Happens Between the Sessions

The structured workshops, art sessions, and discussion circles are powerful. But some of the most profound transformation happens in the in-between moments.

Women journal by the pool. They process quietly while the personal chef prepares another incredible meal. They laugh—really laugh—during the excursions.

One woman came to retreat terrified to leave the villa. She thought she'd just hang around the pool all week. But on Day 3, she pushed her boundaries and went zip-lining through the jungle. She came back glowing: "I pushed my boundaries and was like, alright, do it. And I had a great time."

That's what happens when you feel safe and supported. You start testing edges you didn't know you had.

The Arc: From Stuck to Strong

By Day 6, the energy has completely shifted.

Women who arrived saying "I'm stuck. Just stuck in absolutely every part of my world" are leaving saying "My takeaway is that I am enough. I'm enough all on my own and I can face all the things that I've been afraid to face."

Women who came as newly empty nesters, trying to figure out who they are beyond "mom," leave knowing: "I need to have my boundaries and it's okay for me to have boundaries and to just remember everything I've learned here, to move forward and be the person I want to be."

One woman came because her life had gotten "very dull, very routine." She left saying: "I am stronger and more capable than I ever thought I was, and there are lifetime friends that I have made through this retreat that are going to be with me the rest of my life."

What People Get Wrong About Luxury Retreats

The biggest misconception? That this is some kind of indulgent vacation.

It's not.

Yes, there's a personal chef. Yes, there's massage therapy and a driver and a photographer. Yes, we go to the beach and zip-line through the jungle.

But the luxury isn't extra. It's essential.

When your nervous system is regulated—when you're fed, rested, and cared for—you can finally do the deep work. You can't process trauma or shame or desire when you're exhausted and overwhelmed. The luxury creates the container for transformation.

One woman put it this way: "I wanted to give myself an opportunity to focus on me without the noise of the world, without the needs of my family, my children. Covid has been long and hard for everyone and I had the ability and the time and the support back home and I'm really grateful that I came here. There's nothing like it."

Why 10 Women Maximum

This is intentional.

At 10 women max, everyone gets attention. Everyone gets seen. Everyone's story matters.

In a larger group, some voices get lost. Some women hold back because there's not enough time or space for them. But at this size, we can go deep. We can stay with someone's process. We can make sure nobody leaves feeling like they didn't get what they came for.

What Surprised Me Most

After 20 years of conducting retreats, you'd think I'd stop being surprised.

But I'm always moved by the level of openness and sharing that happens in the discussion circles.

Women who've never told anyone about their fantasies, their fears, their desires—they tell a room full of women they met four days ago.

Why?

Because when you create real safety, when you model vulnerability, when you hold space without judgment—people stop performing. They stop pretending. They get honest.

And that honesty? That's where the magic is.

The Takeaway They All Mention

Almost every woman who's come on retreat says some version of this:

"I didn't know I was capable of this."

Capable of traveling internationally alone. Capable of being their authentic self. Capable of having boundaries. Capable of facing what they've been afraid to face.

One woman said it beautifully: "I think that what I'm taking home with me is that I'm really able to do these things for myself and I have what it takes to travel internationally on my own and that I am just as important as all the people I take care of all the time."

She continued: "I think this was life-changing for me. I'm definitely going to carve out more time for myself to do things like this. I don't know why I thought that I didn't deserve it or if it wasn't for me, it was for other people. But I know better now and I think that it's going to mean that my family's going to have to fend for themselves a little bit more."

So What Really Happens in Paradise?

Women get honest. They get vulnerable. They cry, they laugh, they push boundaries they didn't know they could push.

They realize they're not broken. They're not alone. They're not too much or too little or too weird.

They practice walking in their own boots, even when it's wobbly at first.

They leave stronger, clearer, more confident. They leave with lifetime friendships and a deeper understanding of who they are and what they want.

And they leave knowing: I am enough. I am capable. I deserve this.

That's what happens when 10 women get honest about sex in paradise.

The next Reawakening Retreat is May 11-17, 2026 in Costa Rica. If you've been thinking about giving yourself this gift, now might be the time. [Reply to [email protected] to learn more.]