Who Said 2021 Was Going to Be a Great Year?: Processing through the Pain

It has been 12 days since I released my last blog. I thought the pandemic was going to be the most notable major news story of the last 12 months. Yes it will be significant, but the events of this week will ALSO go down in infamy! On Wednesday, January 6^th, 2021, our capitol was stormed and people died.  

Normally, I spend my week studying new research and reading books about women’s sexuality, creating new workshops and course curriculum, and marketing my newest products to new audiences. Not this week. In the last 48 hours, I have experienced all of the emotions associated with the five stages of grief.

Denial - (I don't believe that this could be that bad)

Anger - (I'm so angry that our government has been attacked and our symbols desecrated)

Bargaining - (Making a plan as to how I will promise I'll change if the Trump followers in my neighborhood come to my front door with their guns- there was chatter on the community Facebook discussion group in support of the insurrection)

Depression - (I feel hopeless about my future that the country I love is so divided)

Acceptance - (I can go on with my life and it will all be better)

You might ask, what does this have to do with your blog that emphasizes both sexuality and personal empowerment?

The theme through all of my programs is: you have to say it to slay it. That is what I am doing here. I needed to write my feelings in this blog on this topic this week. I cannot go forward and ignore all the chaos and turmoil surrounding me. Writing has always been an excellent strategy to engage, heal, and give self-care. No matter what political opinions you hold, there is no doubt that all sides can agree that we are a fractured, angry, and divided nation. I feel it too. 

So, how can I feel sexy this week?

It is difficult to feel anything if you understand the magnitude of the events of the week. I'm numb most of the time. And added to this week's assault on the United State's government, so many of us have lost loved ones to COVID. 

Grief is not sexy. I hope you are lucky enough to have a partner to hold you tight and create a place where you feel loved and safe.

During this tumultuous time, the focus should be on you, and you alone— however, being present with others on the same journey can also be a comfort and an aid in processing through your emotions. I will continue to facilitate workshops for my community and me. 

It is okay to feel grief. It is okay to feel frightened. It is okay to feel unclear. It is okay to feel heartache. It is okay to feel lonely. It is okay to not be okay.

“In grief, the only way out of the pain is through the pain.” (David Kessler)

Honor your emotional experiences by being present, not by diverting yourself or escaping it. Show up for how you are feeling today and let’s take on our 2021 goals another day.

Toni Bear, Ed.D.