Why Wanting More From Your Sex Life Is a Sign of Growth — Not a Sign Something’s Wrong

Let’s get one thing straight: wanting more from your sex life doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful.
It doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you.

It means something inside you is waking up.

Research on sexual well-being shows that changes in desire are a normal part of adult development — and they’re often signs you’re ready for a deeper, more connected experience (Mark, Garcia, & Fisher, 2015). Yet somewhere along the way, we were taught to treat these moments of longing as red flags instead of green lights.

Where the “Something’s Wrong” Story Comes From

For decades, women have been fed the message that our desire should be simple: steady, predictable, and not too much. If we want more, it’s framed as proof that something is missing — in our partner, in our relationship, or in ourselves. This belief has deep cultural roots. In many mental health and medical settings, a woman expressing sexual dissatisfaction is still more likely to be pathologized than encouraged.

Shame plays a big role here. Brené Brown talks about shame scripts — those silent cultural instructions that tell us how we’re “supposed” to feel. And when it comes to sexuality, those scripts can be suffocating. They can make us question our worth, our desirability, and even our right to pleasure.

The trouble is, these scripts ignore the reality: desire isn’t static. It changes with time, life circumstances, and personal growth. And that brings us to a truth that’s rarely talked about…

Desire as a Sign You’re Evolving

Desire naturally shifts as we move through life. Career changes, kids leaving home, menopause, shifts in relationship dynamics, or even a personal growth breakthrough can spark a change in what we want. Psychologist Esther Perel often says that curiosity about our erotic life is a sign of a new developmental stage — not a crisis. It’s the soul’s way of saying, There’s more here for you.

Neuroscience backs this up. Studies show that novelty-seeking and sexual curiosity are tied to the brain’s reward pathways — the same circuits that drive learning, motivation, and creativity (Kang et al., 2009). So when you feel restless or intrigued by new possibilities, that’s not a malfunction. It’s a natural drive toward expansion.

Sometimes this awakening is loud and clear — a craving for more touch, more playfulness, or more variety in the bedroom. Other times it’s subtle — catching yourself daydreaming, feeling a pang when you see a couple holding hands, or realizing your fantasies have shifted in ways you’ve never explored. These aren’t problems. They’re invitations to grow.

Once you can see them that way, the next step is learning how to answer that invitation without guilt or fear.

Turning Longing Into Your Next Chapter

Acknowledging your desires is the first step — without minimizing them or making them “wrong.” You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else or justify your needs. They’re valid because they’re yours.

The next step is curiosity: what kind of “more” are you looking for? Is it more variety? More emotional connection? More space to explore fantasies? More time just for you? Getting clear on this helps you choose actions that actually move the needle.

From there, it’s about creating space to explore. This could be a conversation with your partner, trying a new activity that sparks sensuality, or working with a coach who can guide you through the process without judgment. I’ve seen women move from years of feeling disconnected to being magnetic, confident, and deeply satisfied — all because they were willing to follow that nudge for more.

If you’re feeling that same stirring — that whisper inside saying, “There’s more for me” — now is the time to follow it. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight, but you do need to take the first step.

I help women every day turn that moment of awakening into a life they can’t wait to live. If you’re ready to explore what “more” looks like for you, let’s talk. Together, we’ll map out your path to passion, confidence, and connection — without the guilt, shame, or second-guessing.

👉 Book your free Exploratory Call

Because wanting more isn’t a sign you’re broken. It’s the signal that you’re ready for your next chapter. And my mission is to help you step into it with your whole heart.